Life · is · a · fallacy

I fell in love with Muse this month! Their music was dark, poetic, and haunting! It's not teeny- boppy, it's a far cry from "teen magazine" sacrilege! Maybe the piano made a big difference or maybe it's just Matt Bellamy's smooth and hypnotic voice...Muse possessed me! Hysteria is my favorite and Dark shines and supermassive black hole and starlight and...I love them all!

I listened to My chemical's new tracks Cancer and Dead!
Cancer could make anyone cry. It was straight out soulful and there was honesty in that song. It's a song that makes you want to sympathize and connect with the words because the way Gerard executes the whole song was heart wrenching and tragic! I instantly loved that song!
Dead! is something I have to listen to again and again because I can't figure out the words. But obviously its about death and how it could get anyone at any given time.
The Black Parade... that was a masterpiece, only Gerard could pen down those lyrics. They were nothing like their past "revenge" fit. It was a whole new My chem! They grew up so fast. Maturity was clearly evident in their new album. from the lyrics to the musicality. everything changed

It's another concept album but now it's more "realistic" and it could hit you harder this time!
It's about "the patient" (as Gerard lavishly tells the press about their album) who is sick, almost dying and ahhhh....it's a long story! a beautiful long story that only Gerard could narrate...
hahah I'm so biased!

I can't wait for the release! I want to have it by the time it hits the Philippine shores!

I don't know whats going on lately... all i know is that I am ruining my own life.
I've decided...I've made up my mind...
Maybe this is a new level of suicide...
I'm digging my own grave...
I might resent the whole thing in the end...but whatever...
Have you ever tried this thing: choosing between two things
and you pick up the wrong one, with all your knowledge and consent
you chose the most wrongful of them all!
You did it just to spite someone or something.
I'm not angry anymore...it's just that
I want to forget things and getting myself in this cesspool
makes me forget and move on in an unorthodox manner.
OR maybe it's just me toying with my self destruct button again...
why do i make everything so hard for myself!?
damnit!

oh right, i've been messing up with my social dance...i suck! Everytime i dance well let's just say that I should just stick to singing.
I got my grades...they are not that pretty but they are higher than what I expected... I don't know I feel kinda sick because my favorite bands are going mainstream..yes I am a SELFISH bitch...I don't want to share the things I like because...argh, you go figure.
I'm experiencing bi-polarism! I just can't help it! my mood swing's are disastrous! I just shouted at somebody yesterday... I can't help it, they were total jerks...They grabbed my precious SHOOT magazine and they didn't even bother to tell me they are going to read it...those cretins! they can't even understand it and yet they are laughing their butts off, I just snap! No one should insult football in front of me...NO one should blurt out a stupid and brainless comment in front of me... about football, my music, and everything i'm obsessing about! grrr...
rant rant ramble ramble...Oh yeah, I've been mean today...
I didn't take our recollection seriously...I feel bad about not feeling bad about it!

Mika: salamat sa comment, i used to go to the gym but its all too "social" for me and I can't stand some folks who just makes the gym an avenue for flashing their trash and cash and they make life really horrible for me...hahah! but I will try and enroll at any low profile gym near me...thanks! LABIA!

The stoves were kept busy
the fumes were always on
Marching to their grave
Martyrs in their own sake
One by one
in single file
the living dead made silent struggles...
trembling... as the fire beckon their flesh
trembling... as the fumes poison the air
A trace of
empty tears and brokenness
leads to the chamber of death.
As their cold bodies hit the dirt
the aryans laughed and scorned.
Like a banquet there was music and much madness
all laced with gothic horror!
In the stillness of the night
you can still hear their
most silent prayers
their muffled cries of anguish...

inspired by the book : "Images from the Holocaust"

The lines of MCR's "give 'em hell kid" keeps echoing through my mind! damn it!
..."took a train outta new orleans and they shot me full of ephedrine..this is how we'd like to do it in the murder scene can we settle up the score"
I can't believe it...
I actually took illegal and banned drugs without knowing it!
You see... I was really desperate these past few months... I was getting pretty tired of those put downs... I have problems...you see. We all know that I'm really fat!
So what better way to eliminate this without exercise and diet?
PILLS man! I was on the pill for around half a month and i felt really energetic even though I did not take lunch and breakfast. My heart was so violent those days... They were like tribal drums, beating too fast and too angry. Like the war drums of the Indians!
Without any exaggeration. I felt like I was going to die... there was one time we were in our first class. 7 o clock and then I raised my hand up for recitation and then as I stood up I can hear my heart and I can feel it pounding! it hurts so bad that I have to clutch my chest! I tried my best to look so care free as possible. By the end of the second period it returned to its normal state.

after two weeks...
I ran out of pills... and my body was craving for it, I don't know. I really REALLY needed it!
then days turned into a month. I can live without it at last.
I started to regain the 10 pounds I lost.

A few weeks after taking the Pills. There was a breaking headline, about a celebrity's daughter who almost died because she was taking these pills that are loaded with fenphluramine.

I was not shaken at all, it was nothing of my concern anyway...my pills are chinese herbs. It was just this night when i got really intrigued about it so...
I googled it up...
and guess what!
I WAS TAKING EPHEDRA!
(the herbal form of ephedrine)
I'm not a chemist. But damn...
Every thing that I've experienced like loss of appetite and heart palpitations they were symptoms of that PILL. I was totally clueless on what I was injecting into my system... and it could spell instant DEATH for me if I haven't stop!
I felt kinda saved!
Fenphluramine is another substance similar to Ephedra.
They cause some cardiovascular damage... argh I forgot...
thank God... I'm still alive!

Note:
sorry Mika... I know its a long post!
to those concern... I'm totally off ephedra...I'm keeping it natural now and I will be visiting a physician this week...

It was the perfect afternoon for debauchery...
We went to 168 for a little thrill... Bianca, Belinda... We were so stoned! Why did we even consider going there! The thing is...We got lost...We made a wrong turn and then poof! the next thing we knew was we were in the gay city of Binondo! We just laughed at the whole thing but our feet were killing us already! damn it!
It was fun, memorable!
I don't know what to say anymore...
uhmmm I guess I should shut up now...
Oh wait before that! I totally puked at my English exam...god! i'm going to fail English!
Our prelims exams were not that hard our major exams were...I don't know...an instult to our intellect... I mean come on! what kind of questions were those! The most irritating and most stupid thing I saw during the exams were one of my classmates cheating! I caught her twice...She was so obvious! I want to shake her and just bitch slap her! I mean the exam was already so easy and then she would just copy?!
DAMN! that's some twisted shit!

My classmates are notorious in cheating! heck we are notorious at everything...
I'm just going to ramble about this next time...
well in another entry...
it's so unfair! i look down on them and urgh...I can't even put it into words!

Stuart isn't getting any better...
He's really sick
He seems really weak these past few weeks
I hate seeing Stuart struggle, I don't know whats wrong with him... I hope he feels well soon... It pains all of us seeing him like that
I love that little guy... He's just one of the sweetest and most loving pet. I really grew quite fond of him. I feed him every morning before going to school and he would greet me with his sweet and warm antics. He would go near me and it's as if he wants to tell me something...weird! I know. I love that guy, I talk to him if I have time and I don't know if he understands me but at least he listens or at least he seems to be listening...

I would really be devastated if he dies...It's just too much to handle for me.
I have a very weird attachment to animals...
I should be vegan...maybe i should try...
My heart has a soft spot for furry, feathered, shelled, and scally friends... except rats!
i hate rats

Stuart is a turtle by the way... Dominic got stuart as a reward. Dominic got two medals last year best in conduct and academic excellency...

I hate seeing Stuart like that it crushes me so much...Now i feel bad for eating turtle soup (it was good but it makes you feel guilty afterward!)I don't know now...

I can't sleep thinking about him, I'm all worried

Last night...
I dreamed of you
it wasn't perfect
but you were!
i hate you now
i know
but in that
scene
i swear
it was the
prettiest
no painter
could give me
such a beautiful
sight...
I hate this
coz i sound
so freakin'
corny
in that dream
you were smiling
your eyes...
how they smile
with you
I consider
that as a nightmare
but
it's the sweetest nightmare i
could ever dream of!
but i know it's just an empty dream
never coming true
i'm as hopeless as ever
but I'll be effing fine!
the fire won't die
like flames doused with nitro glycerin
how much you try to put it out
it keeps going strong...quiet and proud
how pathetic

have you ever looked upon the face of the one you've trusted so much. the one you've known for your entire life... Looking at her face with so much remorse and resentment and disgust! Yet you refuse to believe that she's lying!
but you have to accept what you feel, you have to trust your instincts, your gut feeling and all of the things that screams of her betrayal and her deceptions! you know something is not right...you are just so damn sure about it!
How could she do this to me?
that manipulative, overly complicated socialite- wannabe!
i hate her! i hate and I curse the day when I first trusted her! she's so filthy that I can't even stomach to look at her straight in the eyes! all the questions keep popping in my mind... What made her do this to me?

What have I done wrong?
I never caused her such harm?
why is she like this...

Her materialism possessed her! she's a woman intoxicated by the whims of the worldly truffles that could poison her in the end! Her pretentiousness and her hypocrisy makes me sick!
Her materialistic ideals causes revulsion!

I've been kind and sincere to her as far as i know. I did her assignments without ifs and buts! how dare she corrupts me this way! It's not that I too am poisoned by greed, it's just that I am a fair and just person... and i know that (duh! i'm a libra! and my mom raised me to be that way!)

I hope her greed consumes her and the flames of her own twisted ideals incinerates her own dreams

burn in hades baby!

Enough of the current events and the upsetting headlines in my life today... I feel so nostalgic right now... Mom and I went to the grocery store today and we bought cereals (Honey Stars to be exact!)and there's a free pencil case for every box you buy. I wanted that pencil case but Dominic wants it and needs it more than I do. SO being a nice and practical sister I gave it to him and I just asked him for his old pencil case...
Pencil case...now that was something striking...
It made me remember my childhood games and monologues.
My favorite past time at class during our little in between breaks
I would stare at my pencils and then get my beloved pencil case
I have this very rad pencil case by the way!
I always felt like I was the coolest kid in class because of my pencil case...
It was unlike everybody else!
so back to the story...It was a metal box with a clear plastic top...
I see that as a coffin... I was always fascinated by coffins and deaths and burials...
I was never the one who would cringe at the sight of death and I would always accompany my mom to funerals and wakes...
creepy as it may all sound I love going to them and I love hearing stories about death and their ghosts.
so ok I'm lost again!
I would have my little ritual almost everyday...
where I place my little pencils, nicely on the cold and neat case and
there would be one- three or sometimes five of them lying there
and I would mumble some weird lines and I would pretend to cry for them and bless their little souls made of rubber, wood and lead. Making a scene like it was from an actual wake and burial. It wasn't a pretty sight...but it was striking...very much appealing to me!
I can imagine it all now...
I could paint a scene from my past...
That's not where my bizarre antics end!
I would watch addams family as soon as it hits the tube... I would throw a fit if my brother would change the channel...I would cry! I was in love with Gomez!
I loved everything that was un-worldly and creepy...
I would think about suicide and poisons...
Knives and bloodied hands
cemeteries and sarcophagus...
This is not an exaggerated hyperbole (well! wow! how redundant!)
this is an understatement
a taste of what was going on my mind when I was four or five
up to now...

I was into goosebumps and I'm sure I'm one of their first fans here in the Philippines.
I would try and have a seance with my normal friends...but all failed!
I would indulge everyday and every night in ghosts and vampire stories!
I would write tragedies on my notebook and then tear it down when my mom will scan my books.
It was my life...I never thought that I was weird...
I was normal!
Normal in the eyes of Gomez and my loving Morticia!
I would devour all the pages of horror novels and all kinds of literature as soon as I got hold of them.
My body would just make a total halt when my eyes would eventually hit a title that has blood/ ghost/ death written on the cover page!
I'm such a psycho kid... dancing and musing with ghastly thoughts.
I was a weird kid with such a warm heart...that got cold over time...
from ghosts to murderers and genocides
wow! I'm making some progress!
obviously it's still all in me...the sordid and morbid thoughts...all stuck in my tiny little crappy brain!
There must be something cosmic about me or something...
the weird fact is... around 9 ++ people died the year I was born...
maybe that was such a huge factor in my personality...

so much death yet fueled with gaiety..what am I?

Maybe it's just the chemical content of my eyeliner or my mascara... But now saline is surfacing on my eyes... I can't help it...It won't stop!!!
I'm just overwhelmed
I HATE YOU!!!
I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!
I HATE YOU!!!
I HATE YOU for shitting on my feelings...
are you happy now??? I"m torn into a million tiny pathetic pieces!
are you happy now??? now that you've once again made a new gash on my soul...another one of your masterpieces, another one to add to my collection of dread and despair and desolation!!!
a hopeless cut...
a decaying open wound...
bleeding an eternal fountain of red...
Isn't this what you want???
I HATE YOU!!!
I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!
Sometimes I wish you would just die!!!
but then again...I would rather be the first one who to kiss the serpent sun...
you don't deserve death!!!

I'm broken but not crippled
like the phoneix...into ashes back to illuminating light...
I would have my vengeance...
I'll make it hurt you...

hell hath no fury...
I'll make sure it would kill you...
passion turned to darkness too quickly...
see it all burned down so fast...
in the embers of the silent earth...
would you still find my soul in the abyss of hades?

NEO....NEO...no more...no more...NEO...no more... I was wrong to think that you were the one... stupid little girl... stupid heartless little girl...

So...what now! oh right! classes are suspended! applause applause! no wait wait!
what's the difference anyway...
ok I just lost my train of thought again...
Oh yes...I was supposed to blog about the legal KILLINGS in Thailand...
Hostel was one of the sickest and nefarious movies I've seen this year. Gore- fest, bloody parties!!! have to love em!!! I was shunned when I came across a certain article in PULP. It said there that the movie was actually based from real happenings. Not in frigid Slovakia but in Thailand... It sent shockwaves all over my body that I just couldn't even breath for almost a minute, I read it over and over again... Wondering if my eyes were just deceiving me... but they were all true!
It's nothing shocking if you would come to think of it... It just fascinates me. How could one put himself on such a situation. oh right I haven't explained it yet. A poor impoverished soul goes to the "pimps" and sells themselves for around 10,000 dollars or so, and these pimps would post it on their webpage (yes! hightech) and well some sick and twisted being would consider it as a good find and would actually bite into the deal! Imagine for 10 grant your giving yourself to these twisted and sick people. And they could do anything they wish for, anything that their little black hearts lusts for! torture, rape, kill...they would murder you in the most painful and morbid and slowest way you could ever imagine.
who on earth would submit themselves to such debauchery? no honey, I'm not yet that sick to be a part of one sick murder chain...spare me!

Whatever...
I have to go now... I don't feel well and we have social dance practice..shite!!!

I have 3:30 scheduled tutorial with my little Matthew. It won't be such a drag going there, I love the boy and I love what I am doing so...uhhhh what now???

I'm a bit more creative now compared to my highschool years. I have a lot of artsy-fartsy projects to do... squeezing all of my creative juices. Sucking my brain "gobi desert dry"!!!
I have a lot of things going around... I can't even think about Christian in spare moments... I think I've forgotten him... It's all good anyway...He doesn't seem to care so move along....move along...
All that matters now is...knowing myself better through art. I've realized that I'm not that bad at art. To be frank, I'm quite impressed with my outputs...I must have outlived myself somehow! It's a new good element in my life right now, I can express myself and channel all my thoughts and ideas on canvass (or oslo paper!). I admit I'm not that good at art but my works are...a little above mediocrity. I'm having a little fling with pastels and colored pencils! They were right, its not what you do that makes you happy but it's all in the process, it's all in the effort and the answers to why you came up with such work.
I see to it that all my so called art works (for children) screams my name. simplicity with a pinch of darkness (though always encrypted)
It's not an ego thing but it's something you know that only you are the only one who could produce such prints and drawings. I strive for originality and in your face realization...Though my art works are not that suited to normal little tykes because i fear the works are too bleak and sordid (think tombstones and pink and pastel colored bats on a perfect sunny day!). I can't help myself...

It's not louvre worthy or even exhibit material...I'm no Van Gough
all i know that my works have heart and perfect irony and contrast...Ok enough with the artsy-fartsy talk...

I can't help myself but I'm just falling into this whole new portal of crayons and art papers! I know it's kinda weird...but whatever!

Oh god,I'm so tired... almost burned out... Obviously I've been really busy with school (no! really!) and tutorial... I love my student, Matthew!!! Such a sweet little child...he's 4 and he just rocks! He's one of the reasons why I want to go on and continue studying hard and get my butt all tired!!!

there's so many things to blog about but I don't know where to start! Let's start with the bad news
+ i got 15 over 40 on a psychology quiz
+ i haven't started reading my book report due on *gasp* august 10!!! 60 chapters man!!!
+I messed up all of my oral reports in Filipino i exceeded 3 minutes so i talked my mind off all about the evolution of langauge for 8 minutes but i still need more than 8 freaking minutes!
+i was broke last week... my total allowance the whole week was a whopping 70 pesos! hey! i survived!!!
+ i think i got fired *just assuming*. I got fired in my first tutorial stint..I don't have any idea why i got axed!
+ my boss or my employer is a pain in the gonads!

well if there are crappy stuff there must be something redeeming right????? yes!!!!!!!
+My 2nd client, Matthew. He likes me and I like him too (in a non-sexual way, goddamnit! the kid's just 4!)
+ I'm actually studying now...there's effort!
+ I am still losing weight!!!
+ I am always HIGGLY (high and giggly) thanks to Man's greatest invention : coffee!!! I scream, jump, and act like a total jerk outside the classroom! I am perky during discussions...in a good way!
+i got my cut!!! it's not that much...but it's pretty enough!!! I can buy something for myself now!
+ I enjoy things now...I see world in a different way THANKS TO CAFFEINE!!!
+ I am so happy that my social dance teacher doesn't act like a total ass...well she does, but at least she doesn't mind me...I am currently situated at the northernmost (?!) the farthest part of the room, so she won't see me embarrass myself...My partner is also great...encouraging but he knows how bad my moves are.

well i lost my train of thought...I am also hungry...I've just finished my homeworks..well partially... but definitely more than 50%
have to sleep eyes are weak...

General Assembly...
Well I'm not much of a party person, I try to shrink away from every school gathering, org party and you know stuffs like that... It would just bore me out of my wits, only my cohorts can make me sane enough to stay and not do anything embarassing. parties bore me! period! well I admit that I'm just in for the food (like any other of my friends). I paid for that! SO ok, back to the General Ass. It was nothing more but a humongous bore (rhyme!). Though it was a little bearable than the one we had last year. There were too many people (I can't stand too many happy people, having fun in the most stupid way.) Parties just took its toll on me. (have I said that correctly?)

I went there to support Em, yeah, she's our muse! she was so pretty donning a very chic yellow and brown number. She really knows how to dress! She introduced me to girly vanity! We're two very different individuals, I mean the rest of our "clique" we're all different from each other... I can't still figure out why we are all really close friends... It's just fun how college works! I'm not likely to tag along with a pack of girls back then. I have a lot of male friends... that's why I used to be so much comfortable with them boys...but now I have these girl friends who can understand my emo side, who can laugh at other people (especially weird looking boys!), I feel like I'm just going through puberty again! It's such fun having my girl friends with me... They're my sisters from another dimension! Everyone exudes beauty, wit and sheer talent! We're just explosive when we are all together, we can wreck our reputations pretty good (screaming and acting like complete idiots!) but we love it... if we can have our wrecking havoc...we can also be very supportive and we can create so many beautiful things and ideas... We are all creative in different ways...In all aspects, someone always excels!

everyone is gifted... and i appreciate everything they've done for me... for saving me from the monotonous and mundane college life!

I can do anything when I'm with them...scream and run like a savage beast in the football field, strike a very happy pose, laugh my lungs out! everything! They even made me dance and sing and host and do the unthinkable...
giving comfort when I just failed a quiz
warmth and advice when i'm just at a huge lost...I love them!
There's nothing I would not do for those pretty little freaks!

I feel so tired and so worn out right now. I just finished doing the dishes and then just before that I did a very tiring and LONG research for my very very VERY!!! demanding major subject and to top that all of... My back hurts!!!

I don't want to complain but they are all getting on my nerves!!! It's so cosmic how things all happen all at the same time. Bad things. I think I'm having a very early PMS and then my friends are telling me and asking me to do this and that and this. It's no big deal but I feel so pressured that it would just hurt to squeeze those little favors in. This is sheer unpleasant pressure acting up inside me. I'm trying to control all of this emotions and crazy happenings inside me but I think I'm just gonna burst if I won't let this out...

To be really frank, I never felt so pressured in my studies or in school. It all feels like such a huge burden. My professors, they are dementors, tormentors, executioners.... everyone of them (almost everyone) is ruthless and painful. I hate my Major subject teachers! They love giving long quizzes, unpractical assignments (a 13 page research and a 5 page book report on a novel with a whopping 60 chapters!)There's also my other Major subject Professor: she just loves it when we bleed. C'mon man! teach for f***'s sake! I know and I believe in independent learning (if books and ample sources are available) but our subject isn't that broad! There was this time when she assigned us to report about something she had just discussed.When we were reporting in front she started telling us off...that we should do this, we should do that, we forgot this and that! I swear, I could have killed her that day...
She never told us exactly what to do. She teaches so vaguely, the type of lectures she gives makes your face draw a blank at the end of the period. And hey! I wasn't the only one who hates her for that! I have people to back me up on this one.

I have loads of things to think about, truck loads of actvities to do... I'm just so rusty to function today. I should be doing some research again but I don't have the strength.

I just talk to much when I'm like this... I'm also upset because my mailbox is empty, no cute little messages from switzerland. I'm just sad and stressed that's all but I'll be fine...

I think I got my hopes just a bit too high, I was really wishing that they could be at the finals, but well things didn't turn out so good for England... Everyone said that it was an awful play... Rooney was a huge mess... Acting like a total jerk, fouling up..big time! thus he was awarded! the much coveted RED CARD (red -card- rooney, that sounds promising!)... I so want to kill him.
Nasty play... It's a huge shame for England. I just can't help but feel so disappointed, I feel like I was dumped. You know how that feels? you feel totally thrashed and scorned. Yesterday I was blogging about Christian and today...Football (just a random thought!)
I was just really lost the whole day... There's this gripping pain you feel inside that makes you shudder. It's a big deal for me ok. I love England... They've got the best players (I believe) I also love Porugal, Czech Republic, Germany, Brasilia...name it! Cote' de ivore! Ghana! I really loved all those teams but nothing compares to my dear England.

I love portugal... Hello?! FIGO and RONALDO! I love those guys too! but the fact that England won't be having their place in the semi finals really crushed me...
so this is goodbye... goodbye to the worldcup dreams

after 40 years of distressful defeats (wow! alliteration)...England has yet to prove themselves
maybe they would do good in the next FIFA world cup in 2010 in South Africa...but I'm not getting my hopes high again...

I almost cried out of disappointment and disbelief ...
Dominic did... He was really reduced to tears. He was in a weird fit. He was so upset that Rooney "ruined" the game... I'm sure he's not alone...He has the rest of england to back him up...
Dominic got his "semi-to-hyper obsessive behavior" from me... He could be really monstrous from time to time... but he still can't understand what he feels so it's good, he'll still learn about it...Unlike little old me, I'm a wreck when I'm Obsessing...I'm just good at concealing them...you might never know *evil laugh*

stopping starts now

What a title...well meant? almost... A tad bit...just a tiny little....oh nevermind!

He's going home tomorrow, I don't know what time but heck! what difference would it make?!
If he's still in singapore and I'm here, its still all worthless.
It's weird, am i into him because A.) He's my escape. B.) He's different C.)All of the above.
You can only understand whats going on if you were me...It's all so vague and just all so crazy if I would let other people analyze it... So, better keep it to myself and to my little wasteland of a blog!

I feel like I'm in this dream... I just don't want him out of my mind. funny how it all seems to be. because It was only a night...5 hours tops... that and nothing else.
If he was a dream then it would be really lovely if I were to be in a coma.
Never to wake up to the maudlin and desolate reality.

Just caged inside my own mind, frolicking and musing to oblivion.
that would be lovely.

If you've read my past entries...you can see that this new thing gets deeper and deeper as the days past by.

I'm getting more and more pathetic as time goes by...

but it's just a phase...I'm sure it'll all be over at the end of the month...

"Everytime I close my eyes I could see his eyes, those eyes filled with so much warmth and life, like the summer sun... it just pains me to look at them...
pains me to look at those lucid and promising eyes because I know i would be their victim...enticed and lured. and when my defenses are down...they would leave me, yearning for more... and as I sit here now, filled with so much mortal longing. Being more and more helpless as he drifts farther and farther away..."

this must be the cheesiest thing I've ever blogged down...it's kinda random...WEIRD!

This is really scaring me... I can't keep up with the velocity of my thoughts...and all are stupid lines laced with passion (see what I mean?!)
I would have to laugh this off
stopping starts now

I need something to stop this...weird, unworldly feeling.
I never felt this strong for someone (i mean it's not that serious)...I mean I admit that I am deeply infatuated with him... there's something about him, that I just could not figure out.
I keep thinking that maybe he is this all new dimension inside my world, a dimension which I never thought existed (coz I used to be so boxed up to "HIM")Now I've realized that the world has 7 continents (or is it 5?) and a thousand countries...
a million possibilities
it's not just all "HIM" anymore, I used to think that I would always feel that way for "HIM" but I was SO WRONG!...I can gladly say that I am just over "HIM"

I guess it's too late now...
I'm mad about him (him is different from "HIM" ok?)...

I lost 8 freaking pounds (in a week!)
I hardly sleep at night...
I just keep pushing the "other" people and things off my "boat" just to accommodate him.
I think about him almost every waking moment...
I know its freaky.. but trust me this is just a phase..it would wear down, fade away... burn out...whatever!

well this is infatuation in its finest!

I feel like a sissy little school girl again!
Picking the loveliest flower and then yanking out the petals while murmuring "He Loves me, He loves me not" in the most demented tone...LOL!

I'm infatuated...
I'm a girl possessed!
I'm not yet hoping to recover...
(because I still need to lose more pounds...hahaha!)